inadequate

deep waters stir inside me
confused by salt on skin
there's grace and love and talent
alongside creep and sin

there is no truth inside me
just lies, sweet lies
that tell you all you need to hear
my gaze, my kiss, my touch
and all it is you long for
small parts of my design
of my desire to lure.

blind once again to reason or true calling
before your throne of beauty
I stand in awe and shame
is this soft breeze your whisper?
this luring heat a warning?
accept my soul - a wreckage...
I've no choice left... but bane.

through toils and snares, as ever, I'll endure
for no eternal glory i'd accept
dismantled by your gaze... inadequate, I wander...
away from truthful eyes
that still, ever so daring
stare back to blame the plunder
'f'what you fail to protect.

did I create the darkness
that surrounds you?
did the abiss oppress
your truthful heart?
your smile and innocence
ashore would guide my ramblings.
commend my soul now, dear...
so I may play my part.

Memcached

Mischievous passion I'm not allowed to miss you
Nor follow past desires you lit up in my heart
I wish I were your phantom to haunt at day lest perchance
At night your soul should fathom the scope of my own part.

I tried in words of kindness to trick you into hatred
Yet I condemn this recess with glares and disbelief
I'm prostrate in admission of sin, of thoughts and actions
That led to hurt and nuisance. I'm shackeled as mischief.

I'm caching all my feelings. They just kept us apart.
It all adds up to nothingness and solitude of heart.

rootless tree

in all my dreams I wish I were awake

I wish I could be running

I wish you were not stunning

I wish I were not fake

I'm captive, while you're shining

in all my dreams I know I must behave

I know I should be gone

I know we should be one

I sing, I cry, I rave...

I'm dead and it ain't fun

in all my dreams... it's you I care about

in all my dreams... you are

in all my dreams... you're far

this silence yields a shout

I loved you up to par

I'm longing to be free

of us, of you... of me

of words I didn't speak

of all that made us peak..

I need my words be heard

love whispered word by word...

hearts blistered down by hate

be healed by Him not fate!

a rootless tree I am

I shiver in the rain

my fruit... my love for you

bears death, despair... and pain!

Befriended

I'd talk to the Moon...

She's taken her toll.

I'd share all my heart, my joys and my fears

But all I can do is stare through my tears

In empty my soul.

No future, no dream and no goal.

I'd turn your own star

In fair confidant.

Afraid, still I am, she'd open my eyes

To see I have only a life in disguise

Revisited haunt.

No home, no desire, no taunt.

Still silence befriends me.

Be

I'm listening

Dare speak.

But what would you add

To the darkness that fed

All these years of silence

Of drama, and madness?

I'm frail now

Dare fight.

But how would you feel?

And, what's there to kill?

Just one stone cold heart

It's yours now in full

No longer in part.

I'm gone now

Dare sleep.

Dream of skies blue not me

Lock my heart

Throw the key

All this beauty and charm

All this love

All this harm

Let them fade

And move on.

Leave your sorrow

And be.

Playlist

i'm breakable

my angel

a lonestar

windblown feather

cause sunlight

doesn't like me

unless we're seen

together.

in rhymes of

older summer

our sympathy

outgrew

a broken

hallelujah

remain

i will to see ya

in nearness of you

with flowers in the window

dear diary unread

i dream to walk on wire

to breathe your words

unsaid

the long way home

starts with you

my wounds start healing white

this soldier knows his highway

and rides on wings like eagles

sings ooh-la with his kite.

with shuffled mind

i beg you

don't moist your cheeks in rain

nor tears may shrink your passion

don't lose your faith in vain

cause i belong to you

sahara in the west

if home is where the heart is

in you i'll find my rest.

****

The Playlist:

Ingrid Michaelson - Breakable

Massive Attack - Angel

Norah Jones - Lonestar

Norah Jones - The Sun doesn't Like You

Tyrone Wells - Together

Yann Tiersen - Comptine d'une autre ete

Esset - Sympathy

Alexandra Burke (composed by Leonard Cohen) - Hallelujah

Tyrone Wells - Remain

Norah Jones - Nearness of You

Travis - Flowers in the Window

Travis - Dear Diary

Yann Tiersen - Sur le fil

Telepopmusik - Breathe

Norah Jones - The long way home

Shane & Shane - Wounded

Shane & Shane - Healed

Ingrid Michaelson - Soldier

Ingrid Michaelson - Highway

The Kooks - Ooh-la

James Blunt - Tears and Rain

Muse - I belong to you (Mon coeur s'ouvre a ta voix)

Relient K - Sahara

Pilot Speed - Into the West

Relient K - Savannah

Relient K - I'm taking you with me

Lost

my feet can't walk this road no more

my heart can't pump more blood like this

my hands won't swim me back ashore

now... will You save me from hell's mist!?

my strife can't free a shackled soul

my cries won't bring peace back on earth

my words aren't able to imbound

the reason for my journey forth.

my eyes won't shut, and won't be tame

my lips won't speak words you can't trust

thus, beg You, Lord, please take this shame

and wrap it dead into the dust.

for losing means not

being lost.

[coldplayish]

Personal fear

no,

I don't know

I don't have a clue

don't know what to do

just go

and leave me

please leave me alone

but first

write me a letter

with words I'd bestow

with words meant to love me

and warm my cold soul

i'd live my whole life

in patience and trust

but how to achieve

this peace

without lust

well this is a secret

my heart won't be learning...

it's all grief and dust.

Kitty

it has been suggested

for centuries now

that peace is forbidden

on earth

it's not that we can't live

the truthful deception

of this good old story

that starts neath

each turf...

but we human beings

deceitful and foul

ignore to consider

the others around

therefore decisions

like caring or loving

are not even mentioned

they're yet to be found

oh, yes, dear kitty

we will work it out

don't worry 'bout

wiskas and mice

they will be provided

and you'll grow a belly

'cause humans are tender

it's just that they're shelly

when you look inside them

and whispers start shouting

it's then you discover

they're not very nice

[come here, foul kitty

tenebrous being

...

that's just what i meant when

i talked about peace

...

she's gone

climbing ladders

pursuing forgiveness

for entering

straight

in my soul

thru a crease]

Hold [up and in]

if you dare call his name

not always good things come

but surely you will see

they happen for the best.

step back and look ahead

throughout the clouds of time

does your heart reconcile

to answering this quest?

ask me your questions now.

don't shy and speak the words

you held in all this time

and ate up from your chest.

i fear for the guilt

that holds up our rewards.

and peace and love withholds

don't mind about the rest.

Simple

it's just a simple thought

that wants to run to you

mere black and white, no hue

i trust your love is true

without it i am naught.

it's just a simple hope

that keeps us both alive

if death i am to wive

and you from me they'll rive

then love itself's a trope

it's just a simple song

designed just for your voice

if i should have a choice

i'd be both blind to noise

and deaf i'd stay lifelong

it's just a simple love

as such that in the end

i failed to comprehend

it wasn't mine... t'was sent

unduly from above.

Famous Last Words

While he was lying there, on the soft grass, his eyz, almost shut were playing with the thought of sparkling stars... "Where is this light coming from?" The bullets were having their own spacial streets above all of their heads... sometimes, even having to jonction with the ways of their destiny. They knew there was no hope left to keep them alive... even for the next 10 minutes.

It was no surprise for him to notice that he could not stand to go inside the trench... one louzy bullet had found its nest in his stomach... "Shit!" he said... and then he wondered "Is this going to be my last spoken word?"... He kneeled... prayed... but her image, simply could not leave him... so he had no choice... His last words... were not the prayer he had brought to God... but these three powerfull life changing bullets of the human being rifle "I Love You!" ... his face was still amazed by the fact that he couldn't find enough strength to hate her for not being there with him, in those last few seconds...

[written somewhere around January 2007 or so]

If They existed

damn you, oh wicked hypnos

tonight you stole my dreams

you think you'll get away with it

and force me play your schemes?!

damn you, oh childish eros

for pointing those at me

you think that bending reason

would make a blind heart see?

damn you, oh aphrodite

for beauty and for charm

for watching from the distance

the break of my sword arm

you think that being angry

oh, ares son of rage

could bring the dead alive or

embower tears in wage?

i wish you dead, oh chronos

for ticking endless hope

for once i wish you frozen

to hold her or elope

damn you oh, gods! for playing

with one's own heart and mind

for writing these sad stories

and laughing unconfined.

Source of pep...

i'd nail my feelings down

if only i were right

about me being wrong 

about me being strong 

but this i cannot fight 

this light 

i must let in 

redeem the souls within 

give pulse to this old town.

even my words seem fake 

now let alone my life

around your will i crawl 

becoming cold and dull

would death come from a knife?

this strife 

must be withheld 

and peace at last be felt

and then be kept awake.

come, walk with me few steps

few breaths endure my stay

ignore this clutch of love 

forget the way i shove 

your feelings miles away.

astray 

i come, be found 

forgiven i come bound 

to show you love that peps.

ps: wrong rhyme... i know.

75

so are you to my thoughts as food to life
or furthermore my own life to cruel death.
be night for day so always dark shall thrive
still light will fight if only from my breath

so are you to my dreams as speed to light
i'm longing to absorb the fret of lost.
be you not I sole reason for this fight
the price we pay shall mould us with its frost

so are you to my words as rhyme to verse
not making sense unless you end the phrase.
be future now and past be past reverse
and lips may bless the eyes to meet your gaze.

so is this to your ears as sea to land
they meet and touch and promise not to leave...
be waters still for earth to comprehend
i'm all i have... and still my all i give!

Torse...

no tears be wept when life no longer be

keep those sweet cheeks for my warm hands to dear

put on your crown of beauty just for me

hold tight to my fixed eyez... with love and without fear...

i'll be with you when stars no longer shine

just keep in mind the words that changed our course

let hearts and souls be filled with love divine

hold on to this... your love is now my torse [coroana]

not much to comprehend in this short life

for time and love shall always fight to death

where shall I place the blame for blood and strife?

will you survive while I withhold my breath?

Free will

it is too faint a scent for humans to perceive

a life that willingly would slide on darkest path

your dear ones thou despising, you falter to decieve

a life so undeserved, almsgiven thus not earned

consumed be by your own god's most rightful form of wrath

it is too clear a feeling that now I don't belong

not habits nor tradition would have their clutch on me

it seems that years go by me and days grow weak not strong

i am not here today, to sleep or rest, but fray

the comfort and the pride i let the others see

it is too dear a reason that i have chosen you

and you're not just that reason but life itself in me

i find it too amazing but painful, therefore true

i hold on solid anchor, and death shall never conquer

and you shall hold me tight when your path i don't see

it is too old a hunger to feed on souls you love

and drink in glass of diamond deceptions of the night

this new life brought fulfillment like mana from above

a stranger became peer, his love dared meet your fear

embrace forgiveness dear one, you're here to dream not fight

Secrecy

i did not ask to have

nor did i wish for this

but wanted to be wise

and leverage your life 

with my sweet-sour kiss

it's only for your good

that knees and head i hit 

and bow to life's demands.

for past and present friends

our future lasts a bit

short words to mend a phrase

that never comes out right

just kill me, in a whisper

and loose me in a twister

then we'll all say good night

my plague spot somehow shines

my guilt can't stay within

create a world to hide

where peace and war collide

my dance becomes a spin.

there's not much we could add

to death or life alike 

i'm too blind to pretend

you're deaf to comprehend

our plot they'll come to spike

Special freedom

there is this special gift that only some possess
of people round their towers... with gold they might impress
the poor souls of poor bastards that dare to come too close
to touch or feel their glory...
or to attend their shows.

there is this special feeling that only some may taste
of crowded elevators with people they disgrace
an empathetic look behind the frost of eyes
can't reach the souls of darkness
his love's gone in disguise

there is this special fear that only some endure
the loss of god or light, their world "to be secure"
i care so much for you
it fills my life with fret
the farthest i can run
is closest i can get.

there is this special night dream that only some may live
of arms around their shoulders, to hold'em and to give
a whole lot pile of comfort, thru caress and affection
the longing of their soul...
a heart to heart connection.

there is this special curse that only i reflect
these mirrors show no mercy for one man's own defect
i plan to shine my caring for all those that i touch
but what i do is kill them...
in evil mercy's clutch.